


I've found a place I'll never leave

by CydSA



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Relationships, F/M, Gen, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CydSA/pseuds/CydSA
Summary: Tony Stark is going to die a virgin. Between his best friends dating and his unrequited lust for several of the enemy frat house, it's not looking good.If only he could pick up the courage to go up to Steve and ask him to Roger him.College wasn't meant to be this hard





	1. Night time slows, raindrops splash rainbows

**Author's Note:**

> I am still not entirely sure that anyone is going to want more of this. My brain works in very odd ways and when [ padawanewan ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/padawanewan) and I were exchanging DM's on TwitFace a while back this got in my head and wouldn't go away.
> 
> It may get into Steve/Tony/Bucky...I'm wired that way now /0\
> 
> all titles are lyrics from Pure by the Lightning Seeds.
> 
> Let me know what you think.

“Stop staring at his ass,” Pepper hissed.

Tony jerked his gaze away from said ass. “I am absolutely _not_ staring!” 

He absolutely was.

“You _are_ , Creepy McCreeperson,” Pepper said. “Get over yourself and go talk to him.”

“He’s hanging out with Barnes.” Tony folded his arms defensively. “He’s probably a douche.”

“And you’re, naturally, a ray of sunshine.” Pepper’s tone was mean.

“You’re mean.” Tony glared at her. “Rhodey still not putting out?”

Pepper’s gaze narrowed. “Oh Steve!” she called, without taking her eyes off Tony.

The owner of the spectacular ass turned around. “Hey Pepper.” He smiled at her and the sun rose. “Ready for the practical?”

Tony almost swallowed his tongue. Steve's face was a thousand times better than his ass.

“I was born ready,” Pepper told him. “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.” She bared her teeth at Tony, shark-like and evil. “Tony, this is Steve. I know how much you wanted to …mffff.” The rest of her statement was muffled behind Tony’s palm.

“Nice to meet you,” Tony babbled. “Gotta go!” He dragged Pepper away, realizing that he probably looked insane. 

Or possibly that he’d kidnapped her.

“I hate you,” he told her once they’d rounded a corner.

Pepper was wheezing with laughter. “Your face.”

“Actual hate.” He wondered why he was surrounded by assholes.

“Because you’re the chief dick,” Pepper said.

“Did I ask that out loud?” Tony blinked.

“It’s one of your more endearing habits,” Pepper told him. “At least we always know what’s going on in your head.”

They walked towards the science department. Tony was in his final year of his third doctorate. He’d arrived at Harvard at fourteen and decided to never leave. Of course this year was the year that Pepper, Rhodey and Jarvis graduated. Tony didn’t know if he was going to stay when they were gone.

“I am _not_ calling you The Vision, you pretentious asshole.” Rhodey’s scathing tone greeted them as they pushed the door of their lab open.

“I’ve finally realized just who I’m supposed to be.” Jarvis’ rounded British accent made everything he said sound deep and meaningful. It almost always wasn’t.

Pepper walked over to Rhodey and pecked him on the lips. “This is what you’ve spent the afternoon doing?”

“The Vision?” Tony made sure the question was asked in audible air quotes. “Seriously, J? That’s what you’re going with?”

Jarvis sniffed. “I don’t intend on being a bottom-feeder forever, Tony.” He looked at Pepper. “Don’t you think ‘The Vision’ carries a certain gravitas?”

Pepper made an inelegant sound. “It carries a certain douchebaggery about it.” 

Tony met Rhodey’s gaze. He waggled his eyebrows at his best friend. Rhodey waggled his back. “Huh.” Tony went to his bench. “Anything explode yet?” he asked.

Bruce lifted his head. “There is something alive in the fridge.” He had his goggles on so his eyes looked like a bug’s. “It almost ate me.”

“Damn,” Tony said with a cheerful grin. “I was hoping for something a little more than almost.” He smacked Bruce on the ass as he went past.

Bruce jumped, glaring at Tony over his shoulder. “One day I’m gonna get angry and punch you,” he warned. “You won’t like it when I’m angry.”

“Ah sweet boy, you have the violent instincts of a butterfly,” Tony said, opening the fridge. “Holy mother of all things holy!”

Pepper came up behind him, pointedly ignoring Rhodey. “What is that?” she asked, wrinkling her nose. “It smells like something died and decomposed in here.”

“It’s a little project I’m working on,” Tony said, pulling the petri dish out. The fungus had grown in size overnight. What had once been a light brown blob was now an almost black mass. 

That moved.

“Holy shit!” Tony dropped the dish. “You weren’t kidding!” He hurdled the workbench and hid behind Rhodey. “Save me, Buttercup!”

“It looks like a tiny orc,” Pepper said, peering down at it from her perch on the microwave unit.

“That’s impossible,” Tony insisted. “I only added a minute amount of radiation.” He tucked his head under Rhodey’s arm to try to get a glimpse of his new creation again. 

“Radiation.” Bruce did a fine impersonation of a desert. “You irradiated a …what?”

“It was just a little fungus!” Tony protested. “I didn’t expect the thing from the Black Lagoon to grow.”

“One day you’re going to get us all kicked out of here,” Bruce said as he stepped onto Tony’s creation with a wet squelch.

“But it is not _this_ day!” Tony declared, channelling his inner Aragorn. He smoothed the back of Rhodey’s shirt. It had gotten a little crumpled in his sweaty fingers. “Thanks for lying down on the grenade for me, Petal.”

Rhodey’s eyes rolled so hard it looked like it physically hurt. “Not like you gave me a choice, Tones.”

“This mind cannot be allowed to be destroyed,” Tony said. “It’s vital for the future of mankind.”

“If you don’t kill us all first.” Bruce’s mutter was almost drowned out by the sound of laughter outside the lab.

The door was shoved open a moment later and a gorgeous red-head walked in. “You ready, babe?” She smiled at Bruce.

They all turned to look at Bruce who dropped his goggles on his workbench. “For you, always.” His smile was almost shy. Hers wasn’t.

“Who are you and what do you want with my Bruce?” Tony stepped in front of Bruce as he began to move towards her.

“ _Your_ Bruce?” One perfectly plucked eyebrow arched as her gaze met his. “I wasn’t aware that slavery had come back into fashion.”

Bruce stepped around Tony, patting his shoulder with an absent hand. “Don’t mind Tony, Tasha, he’s a little over-protective, but he means well.”

“Tasha?” Tony mouthed at Pepper who shook her head.

“Natasha Romanov.” She held out her hand. “You must be Tony Stark.”

Tony stared at her. “What do you want with my Bruce?” he repeated, not taking the offered appendage.

“We’re going to dinner.” She smiled as Bruce leaned down to kiss her cheek.

“Shake the lady’s hand, Tones,” Rhodey urged. “Don’t be rude.” He nudged Tony’s back.

“She’s scary,” Tony stage-whispered at Rhodey. 

“Well, that makes me believe all the stories about your genius,” Natasha said, finally dropping her hand. Her mouth curved again. “We have reservations,” she told Bruce.

They left without any fanfare, Bruce’s wave a jaunty flick as he joined two other guys at the door. “Don’t wait up,” he called.

Tony, Pepper and Rhodey stared at each other. “Who was that masked _wo-_ man?” Pepper mused.

“She looks like she could eviscerate me with her pinkie.” Rhodey sounded far too excited at the prospect. Pepper glared at him.

“We should follow them.” Tony wasn’t comfortable with his friend leaving with an obviously terrifying woman. “He might need us.”

“The only thing Bruce is going to need is mouth to mouth.” Pepper accepted Rhodey’s help down from the microwave unit and poked a long finger in Tony’s chest. “Don’t fuck this up for him.”

“Peeeeppppp…” Tony reverted to whining when Pepper got that intractable look in her eyes. “But Bruce…”

“Is a big boy,” Pepper said. “And more than capable of handling his own love-life.”

Tony still couldn’t bring himself to think about his friends having sex. In his mind, they were all virgins. 

Like him.

He sighed. “So even Bruce is getting action now.” He plopped down onto the nearest stool. “I’m doomed to die alone.” He spun in a sad, pathetic circle.

Pepper’s eye-roll was almost as epic has Rhodey’s had been. “If you weren’t so damn obnoxious then maybe you’d actually score sometime.”

Tony clasped a hand to his chest. “I am a delight,” he gasped. “Everyone wants to be me or be _with_ me.”

“How’s that working out for you?” Rhodey asked.

“Well, he’s alone, so probably not well,” Jarvis said, entirely unironically. 

Pepper sputtered a laugh. “You are, as always, a master of observation, Jarvis.” She patted his cheek. “Don’t let him work too late.” Rhodey dropped an arm across her shoulders as they headed out, pressing a kiss to her ear.

Tony had managed to convince himself that theirs was a platonic relationship based on cerebral similarities. If he ever tried to think about them actually…..ugh.

“Are you sure you want to stay with this particular experiment?” Jarvis asked once Pepper and Rhodey had left. “I mean, nothing about it is stable.”

Tony folded his arms. “Are you chickening out on me, J?” He glared. “I’m a certified genius with an infinite capacity for awesome. What could possibly go wrong?”

Jarvis arched a blond eyebrow. “Do you really want me to answer that, Dr. Stark?”

Whatthefuckever.


	2. Perhaps someone you know, could sparkle and shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Rhodey gets into trouble and calls Tony. This will end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short! I promise there is more substance to the next one. I have 5 kittens in the house and I'm sure none of you would blame me for wanting to play with them rather than write for you.
> 
> What's that? No? Okay then.....

The phone was ringing _way_ too early. Tony threw it across the room where it smashed against the door. “Ngnh,” he drooled into his pillow.

Then the _other_ phone started ringing, and Tony couldn’t ignore this one. It was the best-bro version of the Oval Office Red Phone.

He staggered out of bed, every muscle aching after pulling an all-nighter with Jarvis. “This had better be an actual, real-life emergency, Jim-boy.” he grumbled into the phone.

“Tony, you fuck, get your ass moving.” Rhodey was whispering so softly that Tony could barely hear him. “It’s a Code Crimson!”

Tony was already pulling a t-shirt on. “Hang on,” he grunted, muffled for a moment as the shirt went over his head. “I’ll trace you using your phone’s GPS.”

“Hurry!” Rhodey sounded panicked. “I think I may actually be at Alpha Tau Omega and if they find me I’m a dead man.”

Tony scrambled for the door, the track and trace on Rhodey’s phone already in action. “What the fuck are you doing there?” He had a sort of hate-hate relationship with Alpha Tau Omega but then that was sort of a Sigma Pi requirement. 

“Pepper and I bumped into Bruce and his secret girlfriend at Fury’s and they invited us to join them.” Rhodey sounded a little less frantic now that he knew Tony was on his way. “I don’t remember much after the vodka shots started.”

“Buttercup, you know your alcohol tolerance is about as good as that of an amoeba’s,” Tony chided as he slid into his R8. “Not clever.”

“Stop with the I told you so’s and come and rescue my ass!” The phone went dead and Tony peeled out of the driveway, heading for the Alpha Tau Omega House, which of course was exactly where his best friend was located.

Tony tried to decide on the safest course of action. On the one hand, Rhodey’s life was in danger. On the other…Steve Rogers could be there.

Throwing Rhodey under the bus was easy.

He pulled up in the parking lot of the ATO house, taking a deep breath before heading for the front door. It swung open before he could lift a hand to knock.

Bucky Barnes glared at him. “What the fuck are you doing here at ass o clock in the morning, Stark?” The scientist in Tony’s brain catalogued the well-muscled chest and low-slung pants, noting that Barnes was a relatively attractive member of the human race. 

The fourteen year-old inner girl squeed and passed out.

“I may have misplaced something,” Tony hedged, keeping his gaze firmly on Barnes’ chin. 

“You lookin’ for that precious princess of yours?” Barnes’ mouth quirked in a cross between a smirk and a sneer. Tony found it inappropriately hot.

“Uh.” Tony met Rhodey’s panicked gaze over Barnes’ shoulder. “No. I was here to find out if Steve wanted to go out with me.” Blurting that out had the double effect of Barnes’ eyes boggling and Rhodey tripping over his own feet.

If Tony wasn’t freaking out he would have face-palmed so hard. All that effort at a distraction for nothing!

“Buck?” Steve Rogers peered around Barnes’ remarkably broad shoulders to stare at Tony. “Stark?”

“He wants to ask you out on a date.” Barnes was clearly the devil. His blue eyes danced.

“Uh.” Rhodey stumbled over to the door, squeezing past Steve with a wince. “I called Tony. He came for me. He tried to help distract you.” 

While Rhodey babbling in terror was something that Tony normally found hilarious, this particular situation wasn’t funny at all. “What he said.” Tony nodded, backing away slowly as Rhodey cowered behind him. “Just a joke.”

Steve’s stupid mouth turned down. “Pity,” he said. Barnes started closing the door. “I would have said yes.”

Loki the trickster god was howling with laughter somewhere close by, Tony thought as he guppied at the closed door.

“Well, fuck.”


	3. As daydreams slide to color from shadow, Picture the moonglow, that dazzles my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets very drunk. He's not very good at it. Bruce is a good bro. Rhodey sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being so late with this update. This is hell month in the retail industry so my brain is fried. Hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Also I apparently am ending each chapter with a 'fuck' comment. /0\ My mom would be so mad.

Tony was way past drunk and well into death by alcohol poisoning territory. He was pretty proud of himself. He swayed a little, leaning against Bruce as he elaborated on his argument for time travel.

“Seriously, Brucie-Bear, you know I’m right,” he slurred, gesticulating with his glass. 

“I know that you just turned Earth into a black hole,” Bruce scoffed. “You’re responsible for the death of billions.”

“I am the fucking _savior_ of the universe!” Tony declared, wobbling dangerously.

“Sure, He-Man.” Bruce sounded way too skeptical. 

Tony stuck his tongue out. “Denial isn’t only a river in Egypt.”

Bruce gave Tony a little shove. Tony fell back onto his bed with a startled squeak. “Oh. Em. Gee.” Bruce rolled his eyes. “You’re so original, Tony.”

Tony held up his middle finger as he wriggled into place. “I’m a gift to the world.”

“Sure.” Bruce tugged off Tony’s shoes. “You’re a regular on the Christmas wish list at Macy’s.”

Tony cracked an eye open. “You’d totally buy me if you could afford me.” 

Bruce stared down at him. “You met Natasha, right?” At Tony’s nod he continued, “She has qualifications in most martial arts and several fighting styles that I’ve never heard of. Plus she’s exceptionally good with weapons.”

Tony frowned, trying to gather his single wit about him. “Why?”

“Why what?” Bruce asked.

“Is she a spy or a mercenary for hire that she needs to know shit like that?” Tony was very confused.

Bruce started laughing. “You didn’t hear a thing I said about her tonight, did you?” 

Tony struggled to sit up and Bruce poked one finger into his shoulder, causing him to collapse again. “I heard,” he insisted. “I just don’t…”

“Don’t finish that,” Bruce warned. “Sleep it off, flyboy. You had your ass handed to you good and proper tonight.”

“I think Steve Rogers is a mean meanie,” he said. “And he is way too perfect.” His eyelids felt as though someone had hung fishing sinkers off his eyelashes.

“That makes absolutely no sense.” Bruce tugged off his shoes. “And that’s about as undressed as I’m going to make you.” He tossed a comforter over Tony’s torso. “I’ve left water and a couple of painkillers on your beside table. God knows you’re going to need them.”

“You are a god among men,” Tony assured him. 

Bruce patted his head like he was a well-behaved dog. “Get some sleep.” His smile was nasty. “I’m sure you’re going to wish you were dead when you remember tonight.”

Tony snugged in, wriggling until his ass found the perfect indentation in his mattress. “It wasn’t that bad.”

The laughter was even nastier than the smile. “You just keep telling yourself that, Tony. I have the photos to prove otherwise.” Bruce tapped his forehead. “Now, sleep.” 

Tony’s eyes closed, a combination of bone-deep weariness and excessive alcohol making his body feel like liquid. 

His last thought before he tumbled into unconsciousness was that somehow, despite everything, he managed not to _completely_ fuck up the friendships that he’d made here.

Now, about that pesky virginity….

**Picture the moonglow, that dazzles my eyes**  


Tony woke up dying.

Or maybe it was that alien furbeast sitting on his tongue that was killing him.

He scrabbled for the glass of water and chucked half of it down his throat in an effort to banish the monster.

His stomach promptly rebelled, sending him hurtling for the bathroom. He barely made it in time, projectile vomiting into the toilet bowel.

Gasping, his forehead resting against the porcelain seat, he wondered when he’d eaten carrots last night.

He lurched across to the shower, reaching up to turn it on and lay there shivering as the water rained down on him, creeping way too slowly from Ice Age frost to the fires of Mount Doom. 

He planned on staying here for a while.

While he pondered the visible water-stains on the roof of his shower, flashes of the night before came back and slapped him across the face.

“Noooooooo….” He turned onto his side, curled into a fetal ball. “Nooooo…..”

He’d propositioned Steve Rogers. 

Who’d turned him down. 

Because he was a decent human being with a conscience that didn’t take advantage of a stupendously drunk person.

“Oh gahhhhhhddddd….”

“Tony?” Rhodey’s voice broke into his wail. “You okay in there, man?”

“Am I okay?” Tony’s voice was so shrill that he was sure the bats at Carlsbad Caverns were responding to the sonic flailing. “I’m dying, you asshole. There is nothing okay about me.”

“You got that right,” Rhodey muttered.

“I’m dying, not deaf!” Tony clutched his head which had suddenly turned into an atomic bomb. 

The bathroom door cracked open. “You need me to come in?” Rhodey sounded like he was hoping for a negative reply.

“When I’m dead, you can call the morgue,” Tony said, flinching as the shower water starting turning to tiny, evil, freezing cold stabby things.

“Sure.” Rhodey agreed _far_ too quickly. “I’m going to rustle up my mom’s famous hangover cure, alright?”

“Death cannot be cured, James!” Tony hollered, whimpering again when his head fell off his shoulders.

It took him a while to crawl from the bathroom back to his bed. Rhodey sat on the easy chair next to it with a smile that was unhealthily wide. “Still alive, I see?”

Tony didn’t even attempt a riposte. That’s how he knew he was dying. Rhodey obviously didn’t understand the delicacy of Tony’s life-threatening condition.

“Drink this.” Rhodey handed him a glass filled with a liquid that appeared radioactive.

“How come when you make Mama Rhodey’s cure it always looks more lethal than the cause?” Tony complained.

“Because I add a secret ingredient,” Rhodey said.

Tony stared at the glass in trepidation. “What?”

Rhodey tutted. “Now, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?”

Tony glared at him. “Anyone ever tell you you’re an asshole?”

Rhodey grinned and made a ‘drink up’ motion. “You. All the time.”

Tony held his nose, closed his eyes and downed the poison. He gagged, but managed to keep it down. “That is disgusting!” he wheezed.

Rhodey thumped him on the back unhelpfully. “Deep breaths, Tones.”

This time, Tony was capable of flipping him off. He flopped back on his bed, stomach roiling unpleasantly. “Okay, hit me.”

“What?” Rhodey was wearing his very worst ‘innocent and stupid’ face. “I don’t know why you want me to hit you.”

“Butterblossom, tell me what horrors I managed to conduct last night or I will tell Pep about the time with the grizzly bear and the honey.”

Rhodey’s dark face went an ashy grey. ‘You promised.”

“I lied.” Tony was entirely unrepentant about it. “I needed something to hold over you.”

Rhodey flopped down next to him. “I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns,” he said, crossing his arms petulantly.

“Lies,” Tony sang, gouging Rhodey’s ribs with a pointy elbow. “You adore me.”

“Actual hate,” Rhodey assured him.

“I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” Tony snuggled in. “Now, tell me just how humiliated I should be feeling right now.”

It was even worse than he thought. The flashes of memory were like an iceberg. And he was the fucking Titanic.

Fuck his life.


	4. Dreams of sights, of sleigh rides in seasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wallows in his misery. He really needs new friends. Also Natasha is scary. Not news to anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand apologies. The retail industry is a nightmare this time of year. Hopefully I will be better. I hope you enjoy. Tony is being very difficult.
> 
> Also the fuck at the end of the chapter is apparently going to remain a thing for now.

Tony decided that hiding out in his workshop slash Bruce’s laboratory for the rest of his life was the better part of valor.

He ignored Rhodey and Pepper’s increasingly hysterical demands to be let in. Only Bruce was granted access and that was only on pain of death. 

That, and Tony lost the thumb war. 

 

“You can’t stay here forever.” Bruce was using his ‘reasonable’ voice, as though Tony was some sort of idiot.

“Says who?” Tony was quite obvious a master of witty comebacks.

“Says the Dean.” 

Irrefutable logic, however, wasn’t high on Tony’s list today. “He can’t make me leave.” Tony focused on the intricate welding he was attempting while his brain was in freak-out mode.

“Tony….” Bruce sounded as though he was on his very last nerve. And an angry Bruce wasn’t a pretty thing..

“Just let me wallow in my misery for a while longer, please,” Tony begged. “I’m going to pretend that the rest of the world has been over-taken by zombies and we’re the last remaining humans.”

“Is this about last night?” Bruce asked, hitching up on Tony’s workbench. “Because it wasn’t…”

Tony held up a hand. “Please, don’t say it wasn’t that bad.” He met Bruce’s gaze. “We both know you’d be lying.”

Bruce sighed. “You were drunk, Tony. Nobody’s going to hold it against you.”

Tony dropped his head onto the workbench, relaxing a little when Bruce patted him on the shoulder. “I offered to give Captain America a blow job as an interview for the position of boyfriend!” he moaned.

He must have imagined Bruce’s stifled laugh because his second-best bro would _not_ be laughing at his pain. “It’s not funny, you dick.”

“You didn’t see it,” Bruce said. “It was fucking hilarious.”

“I need new friends,” Tony finally gave in, tapped the remote for the lab door and lifted his head to see Rhodey and Pepper tumble in. “Here to laugh at me too, Brutus?” He raised an eyebrow at Pepper.

“You’re an idiot.” Pepper smacked the back of his head.

“Ow!” Tony rubbed the stinging mark. “Kick me when I’m down, why don’t you?”

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been singing your praises to Steve and you go and demolish all my work in a second?” Pepper glared at him, hands on her hips and foot tapping.

“What?” Tony’s mouth fell open. “You what?”

Pepper rubbed at her eyes. “You are a constant trial, Anthony Edward Stark.” Her shoulders slumped. “Dammit.”

Rhodey dropped an arm around her. “It’s Tony, hon. Honestly. What did you expect?” 

“You what?” Tony repeated, sure that he was losing his hearing. Or maybe his mind.

“I know you’ve had a giant baby-ass crush on Steve for ages,” Pepper said, moving away from Rhodey and pulling herself up on the bench on the other side of Tony. “I’m friends with Natasha who is Bucky’s something twice removed and we all know who Bucky is.”

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” Rhodey said with something like awe in his voice. “He and Steve are the kings of the football field.”

“Your hero worship is showing.” Pepper grinned at him.

“Don’t care,” Rhodey said. “When Captain America and the Winter Soldier are on the field we never lose. They’re practically superhuman.” 

“I can actually see the hearts in your eyes.” Tony shook his head. “That’s just embarrassing, man.” Rhodey’s judge-y eyebrows went up. “Whatever. I’m not going to be held responsible for something I did while drunk. _You_ , on the other hand, are stone-cold sober.”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “That’s a classic case of selective victim blaming, Tones. They have therapy for that.”

Tony flipped him off. “On a scale of one to Lady Godiva, how much damage have I done?” he asked Pepper. 

She sighed. “Steve isn’t the most confident guy,” she began.

“He’s built like a god,” Tony pointed out. “He could actually date three people at the same time and all three would be grateful for his attention.”

“How much do you know about him, apart from the fact that he’s pretty?” Pepper asked, mouth going thin and scary.

Tony straightened up at the look and frowned. “I know he transferred in from NYIT on a football scholarship.”

Pepper nodded. “He and Bucky have been best friends for most of their lives. When Steve decided to play football, Bucky joined him to protect him.”

“Protect him?” Tony was confused. “Again, built like a god.”

“Not always,” Pepper said. “He was apparently a scrawny kid who only bulked up once he started with football.”

“Huh.” Tony propped his chin on his hand. “That suddenly makes a lot of sense.”

“Why?” Bruce was cleaning his glasses. 

“He has a really tight circle of friends.” Tony thought about the few times that he’d been around Steve in a social sense.

“You said tight,” Rhodey sniggered and then yelped when Pepper reached out at twisted his ear. Hard.

“Tony has the emotional maturity of a postage stamp, James. I have never understood why you two are friends.” Pepper’s pretty eyes were narrowed and evil. “Don’t make me regret going out with you.”

It was Rhodey’s turn to straighten and Tony barely repressed a snigger of his own. He wasn’t a _complete_ idiot. He knew the pointyness of Pepper’s fingers.

“What I was trying to say before Tall, Dark and Inappropriate interrupted, is that if Steve Rogers grew up bullied, then he’s not going to trust easily.” Tony tapped a finger as he thought. “He doesn’t go to frat parties or even the post-game parties.”

The knock on the door of the lab took them all by surprise. Tony didn’t even have to look around to know who it was. His spidey sense was tingling. 

Or maybe it was because he could see the reflection of whoever walked in to his fiefdom in his semi-artificially intelligent toaster.

“Tasha!” Bruce hurried over to her, beaming. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until later.” He gave her a hug, looking slightly astonished that this beautiful girl liked him. Tony still wasn’t sure she deserved him. He wasn’t going to challenge her of course. He liked his penis exactly where it was thank you very much.

Her lips curved. “Can’t a girl come see her guy in his natural environment?” Tony didn’t know whether the purr of her voice excited him or petrified him. Either way, he did not have an actual death wish. The Science Bro Code was sacrosanct.

“While I love the thought of you wanting to see me so desperately, I’m not entirely sure I’m the reason for your visit.” Bruce did dry like a desert. Right then he was the Sahara. 

“In this case, it’s a two birds, one stone sort of deal.” Natasha’s gaze moved to Tony. He thought his testicles were trying to crawl up into his body and out the other side. “Stark.”

“Hi.” The squeak and wave didn’t do his street cred any good. But she was honest to god terrifying. He cleared his throat. “I mean, hi.” It only sounded marginally better.

“You left pretty quickly this morning.” Even as mild a comment as that made the hairs in Tony’s _nostrils_ stand up.

“I was…” Yeah, the squeaking was very emasculating. He needed to get control and quickly.

“Steve and Bucky were worried.” Those green eyes were unwavering on him. “They wanted me to check up on you.”

“Meep.” Tony decided that crawling into a six foot deep hole and then covering himself with the dirt was a fabulous idea.

“I’m assuming that means you’re fine?” One perfect eyebrow lifted. Tony wondered if eyebrows could be used to kill. If they could, then Natasha’s totally would.

“He’s an idiot.” Pepper shook her head. “He has the social skills of a gorilla and the courage of a slug when it comes to people he fancies.”

“Hey!” Tony felt obligated to protest. “What’s with the Stark-bashing this morning?”

“Because you’re an idiot.” Rhodey wasn’t being helpful. Tony sent him a meaningful glare that was entirely wasted on him as he was making googly eyes at Pepper.

“I’m rescinding your Best Friend status,” Tony informed him. “Bruce, my goose, you up to the job?”

Bruce took a step towards him and then stopped when Natasha took his hand. “Sorry, Tony,” he shrugged. “A guy has to have his priorities.”

Tony scowled. “Get out of my lab, you traitors.” The pointed finger and foot stomp weren’t exactly mature but he was being attacked dammit. “Just because I haven’t asked Steve out already, doesn’t mean I don’t have the fucking guts to do it!”

“Uh.” The deep voice at the door had every cell in Tony’s body stand erect. **EVERY CELL**

“ _Ohlordkillmeletmedie_ ,” he mumbled. He tumbled off his chair and crawled under his workbench which, all things considered, was an appropriate response.

“Tony.” Pepper’s voice was arctic. “If you don’t come out of there I will tell everybody about Budapest.”

Tony blanched. “You swore on your mother’s grave!” he bleated, clutching at his knees.

“She’s not dead yet,” Rhodey, ever-helpful asshole, pointed out.

Suddenly a pair of long legs was in front of the bench and Steve’s pretty blue eyes were peering into his. “I didn’t hear from Tasha so I thought I’d better come see for myself.” He smiled. “You planning on staying there?”

“Maybe.” Tony folded his arms across his chest. Dignity while hunched under a workbench was hard to achieve.

“I wanted to take you up on your offer,” Steve said. “With a proviso.”

Tony was intrigued and as per usual, curiosity won out over humiliation, so he crawled back out, accepting Steve’s hand to help him to his feet. He folded his arms in defense again. “Just to be clear, and I’m still fuzzy on several of the details, what offer was that?”

Steve grinned. “Well, bearing in mind the first was a date and the last was a blow job, I’m prepared to let you tell me what you’d prefer.” His eyes twinkled. “I’m up for pretty much anything.” The eyebrow waggle was distracting. So was everything else about him.

“And the proviso?” Rhodey, ever vigilant to defend Tony’s long-wished-for-absent virtue, stepped up next to Tony. Pepper dug an angry elbow into his ribs and he squawked, stepping back quickly.

“You make it a triple date,” Steve said. “Me ‘n Buck, we sorta come as a set.”

Tony’s brain blanked. He was going to have to go to a neurologist to help him with these sudden losses of cognitive function. That or he was needing to get his hearing checked.

“I’m sorry, but did you just say that you wanted a threesome with Tony _and_ Barnes?” Rhodey sounded scandalized. And a little titillated.

Tony just stared at Steve, his mouth offline for the first time in his life.

“Only if he wants to.” Steve didn’t take his eyes off Tony.

“Fuck.” Tony cringed. His vocabulary took a dive when his dick took over.

“That’s the general idea,” Steve agreed.

“Fuck,” Pepper said.


	5. Where feelings not reasons, can make you decide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is **not** ready for this date. So Pepper and Natasha take him in hand. No, not that way! Ugh, you guys are filthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bazillion apologies for the lateness of this update. I've had a nightmare of a January with big brothers and assorted relatives telling me how to live my life. For a while I wanted it to end.
> 
> But...it didn't so I'm back. Hopefully I'll get back to some sort of regular schedule again. 
> 
> Tags amended for those who were offended. But I did warn y'all in the beginning that it might go this way.
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me.

Tony was in a quandary.

A moral one. 

Which as quandaries go, wasn’t actually a quandary per se. It was more of a situation. A situational situation if you will.

Tony was also procrastinating.

“Tony?” Yup, Steve Rogers was still standing in front of him, blue eyes fixed to his face.

“Mgah.” Which was perfectly clear as far as Tony was concerned.

Pepper smacked his head. “Be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth into gear,” she intoned as though she was the Dalai Lama. “You planning on answering the man?” Her smile was pure evil. Tony worshipped her.

“Mergh,” Tony agreed. He stared at Steve. His brain was still giving him the silent treatment it seemed.

“Tap once for yes and two for no.” Steve’s mouth curled in a very distracting way. It distracted Tony.

He nodded. Distractedly. And tapped once. Against the incredible hard and well-formed chest of the college football star otherwise known as Captain America.

“Excellent.” Steve beamed at him. “Buck and I will see you at seven.” He chucked Tony under the chin. “You’re adorable.”

Tony watched him go. It was a beautiful thing. Almost as perfect as watching him come. Aaaaaand he was _not_ thinking about Steve Rogers coming. No sirree Bob!

Rhodey slapped the other side of his head. “Not okay, Tones.” He glared at Tony. “And once more I’m reminding you of the embargo at discussing our sex life with each other.”

“Did I say that out loud?” Tony wondered. “And, hey! I’ve not ever had a sex life to discuss, sugar lips! That’s not fair!”

“That’s the way it has to be,” Rhodey told him. “You are the most indiscreet human being to ever human, and I really don’t want to know about whatever freaky thing you do with Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.” He looked disgusted. And yep, titillated again.

Tony’s gaze went unfocused. “Hmmm.” He felt his mouth curving in a smile. “Getting freaky with Steve and Bucky.” He looked at Pepper, heart suddenly racing. “Pep, I have _nothing_ to wear!”

As leaves pour down, splash autumn on gardens

Turns out he had plenty to wear. And thank you, Potts for pointing that out to him. But he also didn’t have anything in his admittedly awesome wardrobe that screamed, ‘take me and fuck me, both of you stud muffins’. Which was why he was having a minor melt-down.

“Peeeeppppp,” he whined. “Why are all my clothes so boring?”

“Because, no matter how much you try to pretend, you live a very boring life.” Pepper was a cruel, cruel woman. She was just lucky that he liked her enough to let her live in his amazing house.

“Don’t wear anything you like,” Natasha advised from her menacing lean against his bedroom doorway. 

“Huh?” If Tony had been straight then Natasha would have been at the top of his fuck me list. He liked a little, okay a _lot_ of danger. He was reluctantly impressed at the balls on Bruce.

“Gah!” he yelped. “No thinking about Bruce’s balls!”

Pepper raised her right eyebrow. Natasha raised her left. “Do we even want to know?” Pepper sighed.

“Nope, nope, all of the nope forever.” Tony shook his head, trying to bleach his disgusting brain.

“That.” Natasha pointed at a grey t-shirt. “Wear that.”

Tony frowned and pulled it out of his cupboard. It was kind of plain, nothing but a giant red star on it. “I don’t remember buying this,’ he muttered.

“ _I_ gave it to you last Christmas.” Pepper propped her fists on her hips. “Nice, Stark.”

Tony stuck out his tongue. “You know how I like my flash, Pepper-pot,” he said, holding the tee up. “This isn’t exactly screaming that I’m dateable.”

“Black skinny jeans and your boots.” Natasha pointed to the items. It was a little terrifying how quickly she’d assessed his entire wardrobe.

“You’re scary,” he told her. 

“Thank you.” Her smile was a warning. “Don’t fuck this up.”

Tony shivered. “I’m going to fuck it up.” He dropped to the bed, shirt still in his hands. “I always fuck things up.”

Pepper sat down next to him. “You really need to start giving yourself a chance, Tony.” She nudged him with a pointy elbow. “You’re kind of charming and witty, as well as fairly smart and wealthy. You’re quite a catch.”

Tony’s mouth tilted up in a small grin. “You forgot to mention ruggedly handsome,” he reminded her.

“No, I didn’t.” She patted his arm consolingly. “Now, get dressed so that Natasha and I can assess what we can salvage.” She waved at his general direction in a vaguely menacing way as she got back to her feet again

Tony opened his mouth to protest. Natasha’s eyes narrowed. His jaw snapped closed of its own volition.

She smirked. “Good boy.” She tipped her head towards the bathroom and Tony scurried in obediently, clutching his clothes to his chest as though somehow they would protect him from her.

They wouldn’t.

As he pulled on his jeans, he thought about what might lie ahead for him tonight. Orgasms, hopefully. At least one of them, if not multiple.

And then he blinked. “Pep, did you know that Steve and Bucky batted for my team?” he called as he jumped up several times to get the jeans to close. There was skinny and then there were these pants.

“You know I don’t know anything about sports, Tony,” she called back. There was a brief silence, a low murmur and then, “Oh, you mean did I know that Steve and Bucky were gay?”

Tony rolled his eyes so hard that he saw his brain. “Duh.” Then he stopped himself. Antagonizing Pepper usually ended in pain for him. And now that she and Natasha were basically besties, it promised to be extra painful.

“What?” Pepper’s voice was dangerously soft.

“Yes!” Tony shouted. “I said yes!” He tugged the t-shirt over his head and yanked the bathroom door open. “I only asked because you are the wisest of the wise, Pepperoni.” He attempted a smile.

Her eyes were narrowed in suspicion and Tony saw Natasha’s shoulders shake just a wee bit out of the corner of his eye. “Right.” She drawled the word out as though she had a tough time believing him. Which, because she knew Tony, was not unexpected. 

“They’re bi,” Natasha offered, “Always have been.”

“Huh,” Tony said, sitting down on the bed to pull on socks. “How come I didn’t know that?” He thought about sending Pepper a betrayed glare but decided that living was preferable.

“They don’t advertise it.” Natasha shrugged, producing a knife from somewhere on her person and using it to clean her nails. Tony shuddered,

“But me?” That was not a bleat or a whine, Tony insisted. It was a legitimate question. He started lacing the shit-kicker boots that Natasha had ordered him to wear.

“They’ve always thought you were cute.” Natasha’s mouth curled a little. “But they didn’t think you were interested.”

Tony’s mouth fell open. “What?” He pinched his thigh to assure himself that he wasn’t dreaming. “I was _so_ interested,” he assured her. He gestured at his body. “Nubile virgin wanting to be ravished here.” He gulped.

“Virgin?” Natasha’s mouth curved even more. “Oh, this is going to be _so_ much fun.” Her eyes gleamed.

Tony’s shoulders slumped. That wasn’t supposed to have slipped out. “That was supposed to have been silent,” he muttered.

“It was a bright golden little word bubble above your head.” Pepper was a heartless wench. 

Tony glared at her. She wasn’t looking at him so it wasn’t particularly effective.

“Make sure you have condoms and lube,” Natasha suggested with a disturbing leer. “I don’t think that your virginity is going to last the night.”

Tony made an eeping sound. He sounded like a demented duckling. His eyes crossed trying to imagine how his night as going to end.

“I don’t think your imagination stretches that far,” Pepper told him. He’d said it out loud. Again.

“I would advise you to stop blurting whatever comes up into your brain,” Natasha said. “But it’s way too much fun to watch you flailing.” She was obviously an emissary of Satan himself. “Bucky is going to have a lot of fun with you.”

And there went higher brain control again.

“Well, fuck me sideways and call me Rogered,” he breathed. “Tonight will be a glorious night.”

“Going to lose your flower?” Pepper asked in that dry and extremely mean-spirited way she had when she was totally jealous of Tony’s awesome.

“You’re totally jealous of my awesome,” he informed her loftily.

“You’re going to be walking like a rodeo cowboy tomorrow,” Pepper said with a nasty smile. “I don’t do ass rubs.”

“I do.” Natasha’s smile was sly. “As long as I get details.”

Tony held out a fist. She bumped it with a grin. “Deal.”

“Ugh.” Pepper shook her head. “There’s obviously a new strain of stupid out there. I thought you were immune, Tasha.”

Natasha shrugged. “I may be on diet, but it doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” She looked Tony up and down. “You’ll do.” She stepped forward and ran her fingers through his hair, messing it up.

Tony squawked, batting her hands away. “Not the hair!” he complained. “The hair is sacred.”

“Go get ‘em, cowboy,” Natasha said, leaning around and slapping him on the ass.

Tony jumped, edging away from her. “Don’t touch the merchandise.”

Someone rang the doorbell. Tony swallowed hard. 

“Well?” Pepper prompted. 

Tony squared his shoulders and headed downstairs to open the door. Vision and Rhodey were in the living room, not even trying to hide their curiosity. Peter came out of the kitchen with Bruce at his heels. He waggled his eyebrows salaciously at Tony. “Humanah, humanah, humanah,” he intoned.

Tony flipped him off as his heart sank. He loved his friends but they were all assholes.

The doorbell chimed again. “You planning on answering that at any stage, Tones?” Rhodey asked, an entirely fake supportive BFF grin on his face. Tony was _so_ changing his friends.

Tony sucked in a breath. “I can do this,” he muttered under his breath, pulling open the door.

Steve and Bucky both stood there, faces expectant. Their eyes travelled down Tony’s body and then back up again, much like Natasha’s had, but that hadn’t given him a boner.

“Well, hello there, babe.” Bucky’s greeting was a soft growl. It went straight to Tony’s cock.

Steve’s was a little less verbose. “Fuck.”

Tony was down with that.


	6. As colder nights harden, their moonlit delights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date begins. Confessions & realizations & flirting...oh my

“You’re gonna need a jacket,” Bucky told him.

“Here.” Steve passed his football jacket to Tony, with a grin. “This will keep you warm.” Bucky’s snarl just made Steve grin harder. “Snooze, you lose, Buck.”

“That’s cheating, asshole.” Bucky glared at Steve.

Tony looked between them. “You two _do _actually realize that I’m an actual person with real feelings, right?” He poked Steve’s very firm chest. “And that I’m right the fuck here watching the pissing contest?” It didn’t stop him from putting on the jacket though. It was warm from the heat of Steve’s body and smelled like AstroTurf and sweat.__

__“Are you smelling his jacket?” Rhodey sounded horrified, having given up the pretense of being disinterested and walked over to the door. “Oh my god, you’re totally smelling his jacket!”_ _

__Steve looked down at Tony. His eyes gleamed. “Nice.” That little rumble of approval did _not_ make Tony’s dick perk up._ _

__Bucky nudged Steve with a broad shoulder. “He’s not your territory, loser.”_ _

__“Yet,” Steve said. And there was something so possessive in that one word that Tony’s brain shut down._ _

__“I’m too young for this,” Rhodey moaned. “So much therapy.”_ _

__Tony flipped him off as he followed Steve’s extremely pert ass. “Jealous much, Rhodester?” he called._ _

__“Defiling a national icon should be a crime!” Rhodey shouted back._ _

__“Not much defiling left to do, Rhodes,” Bucky said, eyes wicked. “That ship sailed a _long_ time ago.” Rhodey’s satisfying wail of protest was abruptly cut off as the door closed._ _

__They all grinned at each other. Tony cocked his hip, delighted when two sets of blue eyes followed the line of his body. “So, boys. Where are you taking me?”_ _

__Bucky gave an exaggerated eyebrow waggle. “It’s a surprise.”_ _

__Tony wasn’t impressed. “I don’t like surprises.”_ _

__“You’ll like this one,” Bucky assured him, dropping an arm across his shoulders. “I promise.”_ _

__“Hmm.” Tony turned his gaze to Steve. “Nothing to add, Cap?” The moniker had been adopted the first time a tiny, much younger Steve had thrown himself onto a line-backer double his size. The size thing had changed, but Captain America had stuck._ _

__“Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ like a bubble. “This is all on Buck.” His smile was a little mean._ _

__“He’s going to love it,” Bucky insisted. His arm fell away as he turned to glare at Steve. “Don’t be a dick, Rogers.”_ _

__Tony watched them glower at each other for a few seconds, two alpha males in competition for… Yeah he wasn’t going to go there. “Hello?” He waved. “Still here.”_ _

__They both looked at him. Interestingly, Steve was the one who looked a little ashamed. “Sorry, Tony,” he muttered. “It’s been a long time since Buck and I had to agree to share equally.”_ _

__Tony was confused. “But I thought…?”_ _

__Steve nodded. “We don’t actually sleep with the same person at the same time.” He sounded a little apologetic._ _

__“But, I, uh…” It seemed as though Tony had finally lost the power of speech. Peter would be delighted._ _

__“We share lovers, but we don’t _share_ lovers,” Steve explained, clear as mud._ _

__“But you said…” Tony’s brain was not on board with the speaking thing yet._ _

__“Stevie lets me break them in, and then he gets to make them feel better.” Bucky’s blunt words kick-started Tony’s brain again._ _

__“So, not a threesome?” He actually whined that. He was pathetic._ _

__“Only if you want.” Steve put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”_ _

__“Then why did you say the thing that you said?” Tony asked. “If you didn’t mean it.”_ _

__“I did,” Steve assured him. “I do.” He frowned at Tony. “Don’t make that face, please.”_ _

__Tony rolled his eyes. “I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.” The confusion ratcheted up again “So, what did you mean then? Small words, please.”_ _

__“We couldn’t agree on who got to have you first.” Bucky’s words had Tony blinking at him. “The only way we could agree on you was if we had you together.”  
“Me?” Tony squeaked, and oh god, he’d never sounded more masculine._ _

__“Why are you so surprised?” Steve’s gaze was fixed on Tony’s face. “You’re pretty much the only person on campus that everyone wants to be with.”_ _

__“Me?” Tony squeaked again._ _

__“ _You_ , dumbass.” Bucky nudged his other shoulder. “And the fact that you don’t see it makes it even hotter.”_ _

__“Well,” Tony blustered, “I _am_ a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, you know.” He could always talk the talk. He had yet to walk the walk._ _

__“Is walk a euphemism?” Steve asked._ _

__“Did I say that out loud?” Tony was mortified._ _

__“Tasha said that you had a habit of doing that.” Bucky opened the door of a blue pick-up and Tony clambered in._ _

__“Wait, you’ve talked to Natasha about me?” Tony’s voice was at bats-only volume._ _

__“She’s our wingman.” Steve climbed into the driver’s seat and Bucky got in the back seat. “Woman.” He frowned. “Person.”_ _

__Tony blinked. “But she doesn’t know anything about me.” He was sure he’d have noticed Natasha Romanoff hanging around him._ _

__“Tasha could be sitting right next to you and you wouldn’t know it,” Bucky said, propping his elbows on the seat backs as he leaned forward._ _

__There was a moment when he must have blacked out thinking about what Bucky had just said. And then Tony sent a suspicious glance Steve’s way. “Oh really?” He was fairly sure Natasha couldn’t disguise herself as Steve. Not _entirely_ sure but close enough._ _

__“She says she’s going to be the first female POTUS,” Steve said._ _

__“That’s honestly terrifying.” Tony could imagine it though. “Nobody would mess with us.”_ _

__They spent a satisfying few minutes discussing what radical changes President Romanoff would make. It distracted Tony enough that he hadn’t paid attention to their destination._ _

__He looked at Bucky. “So, how about a clue as to where we’re going?”_ _

__Bucky shook his head. “It’s better to be surprised with what I’ve planned,” he said._ _

__“Next time, _I’ll_ be doing the planning,” Steve mumbled as he turned into one of the smaller roads heading away from the college._ _

__“Sure, then we’ll end up at the local diner, sharing milkshakes and bobbing to Elvis Presley,” Bucky scoffed._ _

__“Buck, enough.” The warning note in Steve’s voice had Bucky settle back in the seat with a grunt._ _

__“I need to know how to do that,” Tony said, impressed and more than a little turned on._ _

__“He’s been bossing me around since he was a scrawny little shrimp,” Bucky muttered. “Never got out of the habit.”_ _

__“So you’re the alpha, hm?” Tony asked with a coy glance up at Steve through his eyelashes._ _

__Steve looked at him and almost drove off the road. “Fuck!” he gritted, wrestling with the truck, steadying it again. “You’d better be careful with those eyes, sweetheart, they’re a fucking lethal weapon.”_ _

__Tony beamed. “That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”_ _

__“You’re a little weird,” Bucky told him. “I like that.”_ _

__“Sweetheart?” The endearment had just registered. “Seriously? _Sweetheart_?”_ _

__“Steve’s an old-fashioned baby,” Bucky confided. “He’s the boy you bring home to Mom. I’m the boy you hide forever.”_ _

__“Buck.” This time the tone was a little exasperated, a little weary. “Stop beating up on yourself all the time.”_ _

__“I’ll stop if you do,” Bucky retorted._ _

__Tony stared at them. “But you’re Captain America and the Winter Soldier. The most popular, legendary people ever to walk the halls of Harvard. You’re practically superheroes.”_ _

__“We’re just guys,” Steve said, taking a quick right into a small parking lot. “We get insecure like everybody else.”_ _

__The truck came to a stop and Bucky hopped out. “We’ve just learned to hide it better,” he said, opening the door for Tony in a gesture that he didn’t find charming, dammit._ _

__Tony clambered down. “This changes my entire world-view.”_ _

__Steve came around the pick-up, eyes on Tony. “We’re nothing special,” he insisted. “All the hype around us is because of football. It was the only way I could get into Harvard and Buck wasn’t going to be left behind. The rest of it, just noise.”_ _

__Tony nodded, adjusting the assumptions he’d always made about them. “Okay.” He met Steve’s eyes. “Hi, I’m Tony Stark and I would really like the chance to kiss you in the foreseeable future.”_ _

__Steve grinned at him, the cloudy worry in his eyes dissipating. “I’m sure we can do something about that,” he agreed._ _

__“Ta-da!” Bucky shouted, making them both jump. He was standing with his arms flung out in expectation._ _

__“Ta-da what?” Tony asked, looking around. And froze “Oh hell no.”_ _

__“Miniature golf in the dark.” Bucky sounded extraordinarily proud of himself._ _

__“Hell to the fucking no!” Tony stated, spinning on his heel and heading back for the pick-up._ _

__“Told you,” Steve told Bucky, scurrying after Tony. “Wait up, Tony!”_ _

__He found himself sandwiched by Bucky and Steve. And sure, that was the end-game here, but honestly, he hadn’t quite pictured it like this. “I don’t do sport.”_ _

__“I doesn’t even rate as a game,” Steve assured him._ _

__“I have zero hand-eye coordination when it comes to physical exertion.” Tony glared at Bucky. “You thought this would be fun?”_ _

__Bucky’s blue eyes were huge. “I just…I mean, it’s our first date and I thought it would be a fun ice-breaker and we could cop a couple of feels in the dark and…” he trailed off, mouth turned down and looking thoroughly miserable._ _

__Tony felt like an asshole. Now he’d made Bucky sad and really, what the hell was wrong with him that he couldn’t even _start_ a normal date. Well, as normal a date could be where there were three of them. “I’m sorry, Bucky,” he blurted. “It just took me by surprise. I can try, I guess. I mean, it can’t be that bad.”_ _

__Bucky lifted his eyes to Tony’s, a cautious hope in them. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”_ _

__Tony flapped a hand. “It’s going to be humiliating how bad I am at this, but what the hell.” He grabbed Bucky’s hand. “Come on, soldier, show me what you’ve got.”_ _

__Bucky beamed at him and towed him towards the ticket booth, Steve trailing after._ _

__Once they were kitted out, clubs, lumo-painted balls, they headed to the ‘green’. Before Bucky pushed the door to the arena open, Steve bust out laughing._ _

__“What’s so funny?” Tony asked, wondering if he’d missed something. Or maybe a booger was hanging off his nose._ _

__“You just got suckered, sweetheart,” Steve told him, ushering Tony through the door behind Bucky._ _

__“What?” Tony squawked. “Suckered?” He narrowed his gaze at Bucky’s broad shoulders. “Oh, you are so dead, you dickhead.”_ _

__Bucky’s warm laughter drifted back as the light grew dimmer. “Got ya,” he whispered._ _

__“Fucker,” Tony mumbled, trying not to grin. “Cheating, lying fucker.” Revenge was going to be _so_ sweet._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize profusely. My muse has been hammering me to write a post CA:CW fic which has reached about 2k already. I'm not sure if I should start posting that one until I finish with this. Ugh. I hate adulting.


End file.
